Im at strip club and am horny
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
