I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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