i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
We're hate flirting, damnit.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
