I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
