HIV tests are more positive than that guy
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
