12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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