I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
