Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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