Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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