Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
