3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
it was like eating out sand paper
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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