How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
