i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
