Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
