My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
