dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
he was CRYING into my vagina
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
