Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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