Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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