Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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