the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
