It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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