i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
