i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We're using joints as your birthday candles
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
