so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
