just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
