Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
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Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
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