How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
