I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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