So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Randomize
