Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
two words: eviction party
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
