Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
This toilet bowl is my home.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
