I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
