He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
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