Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
its not stalking. its research.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
