just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
