Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
