K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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