i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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