Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
