the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
