I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
