Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
