he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
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