so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
