girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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