Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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