My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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