hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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