Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
