Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
