McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
