my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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