Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
