His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
