I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
