when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
