You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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