would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Randomize
