I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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