I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
