What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
