you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
