Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
