forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
