hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
