Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
