I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
