I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
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