Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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