So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?